Domestic violence

What to do if you are in an abusive relationship

As a woman involved in an abusive relationship, your personal safety should be your number one concern. When your partner has been violent or you believe he/she may become violent, have a safety plan in mind for yourself. Abuse does not necessarily have to be a physical assault—there are various types of abuse, and psychological abuse can be equally damaging and frightening. Your safety plan should apply to situations of psychological assault as well.

For emergencies—your safety plan

In the event of an emergency, you may choose to follow any or all of the steps below.

Leave the situation. Go to the nearest place where you feel safe and call for help.

Call the police or 911. Assault is punishable under the law and criminal charges can be laid. You can request that an officer(s) be present while you leave and at a later time, should you need to return to collect your personal belongings.

Have a bag packed and ready to go. This bag should contain a small amount of money, identification, credit cards, extra car keys, and clothing. If you need to escape with your children, be sure you pack appropriate items for them as well. You may want to leave your bag outside your home or with someone you trust.

Memorize important telephone numbers and keep a list in your emergency bag.

Have an idea of somewhere safe you can stay. Go to a battered women's shelter and take your children with you. They need protection and may be in danger of being harmed by your partner if left behind.

Call the distress line or domestic violence hotline in your area. If your community is without a distress line, refer to the useful telephone numbers on our resources page. North American callers call call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD). Advocates are available 24 hours a day.

Keep in mind that you may or may not receive emergency help that is sensitive to your situation or sexual orientation. Emergency personnel may not be sensitive to lesbian issues or understanding of women in general. Be prepared for this.