Domestic violence

How professionals can respond

While many emergency services personnel have received training in domestic violence, some perhaps lack understanding of women in abusive relationships, and in particaluar, an understanding of abuse within lesbian relationships. Professionals and caregivers must therefore examine their own feelings about women—both heterosexual women and lesbians—and acknowledge and address any ill feelings they may have. It's important to identify any reservations, homophobic feelings, or other negative responses in order to change those stemming from stereotypes and ignorance.

In abusive situations, it's important for emergency service personnel to acknowledge the major difference between heterosexuals and lesbians—to look at the larger social and political context and in particular, homophobia and heterosexism.

Homophobia is an irrational and often unconscious fear and hatred of lesbians and gays. It also defines the fear of getting close to someone of the same sex. For example, it's homophobic to subscribe to myths about lesbians or to approach the idea of helping a lesbian without acknowledging the positive aspects of her orientation, choosing instead to focus on the negatives.

Heterosexism is based on societal structures and institutions, often patriarchal, which establish and perpetuate heterosexuality as the norm. An example is the common question on many forms that asks about marital status: this assumes that all respondents are heterosexual.

Regardless of whether we are friends, social service providers, police, legal workers or judges, regardless of whether we are in an abusive relationship, and regardless of our sexual orientation—lesbian, gay, bisexual or straight—homophobia and heterosexism affect all of us. Therefore, when working with lesbians in abusive relationships, it's important to remember that the many reasons for staying in an abusive relationship are similar for lesbians and heterosexual women.

During periods of calm, (see The Cycle of Abuse) abusers may appear charming, supportive, nurturing, friendly, and outgoing. There may be economic factors that keep a woman from leaving. She may continue to blame herself for the abuse, and she may be convinced that if she tries hard enough, she can stop it. (See The Effects of Abuse.)

There are many additional reasons that keep women in abusive situations. These include issues of disclosure and fear. In addition, lesbians may feel added anxiety relating to having to disclose their sexual orientation. In some cases, internalized homophobia—believing that negative myths and stereotypes about lesbians are true—can significantly hinder a lesbian's self-esteem. Internalized homophobia and fear of homophobic responses often isolate lesbian couples and add stress to their relationships. Fear of homophobia often keeps lesbians who have been abused from seeking help. It adds to fears they will not be believed, that there are inadequate resources available to help them, and they and their partners will be chastised for being lesbians.

Lesbians who are abused may also believe women are not intentionally abusive, and as a result of this thinking, they may excuse or deny the abuse. Many believe that giving up a lesbian relationship and leaving a lesbian partner is giving in to the stereotype that lesbian relationships are pathological or transitory.

Guidelines for professionals

In dealing with women who are abused:

Don't assume that an abused woman's partner is male.

In initial contacts with emergency, legal, or medical services, an abused woman, if she is lesbian, may try to pretend her abuser is male. She is more likely to reveal that her abuser is female only after the helping process is initiated and particularly if she feels the responses she's received aren't judgmental and don't automatically assume her partner is male.

Upon disclosure, remain supportive.

In the case of a lesbian who has been abused, it's all the more important to impart an attitude of acceptance about her sexual orientation and to continue to support her in her acceptance of herself as a lesbian. In some cases, unlike heterosexual women who have a mistrust of men, lesbians who have been abused may have an initial wariness and mistrust of women caregivers.

Be aware of stereotypes.

Be aware of the prevailing myths about lesbian relationships.

Remember what's important.

The first priority is to assess safety issues and to help set up a protection plan.

Document the abuse.

Document the abuse and begin to address the medical and legal issues.

Respect confidentiality.

Women who have been abused fear future violent incidents by their abusers. They fear negative responses by friends and family, and they are often embarrassed or ashamed to disclose their abuse. A woman's choice to make disclosures to family, caregivers, children, friends, co-workers, or members of her ethnic or racial group is hers and hers alone. Her choices need to be respected and supported. As professionals, it's important to respect women's choice and to offer verbal reassurance that her choices will be respected.

Understand the emotional effects of abuse.

Abuse has far-reaching emotional consequences that are just as frightening and devastating as the incident of physical assault itself. Self-blame, guilt, and shame are common emotional responses for women abused in their relationships. It's important to address these issues when counseling abused women. Women who have been abused will need to talk and to express their feelings about their abuse. In order to do this, women must feel they are in a safe, accepting environment. They need to know they are not being blamed for what's happened to them. They will want to understand their situation and to continue to make choices about courses of action.

It's helpful to women to know they are not alone in their experience and that others have been similarly abused. It's also helpful for a victim of domestic violence to understand that abuse is a means for her partner to gain and maintain control. As a caregiver, your main objective should always be to assist women in rebuilding their self-esteem and confidence. Only once they have regained a healthy view of themselves can women once again be in control over their lives.

Sexual assault and sexual coercion are not uncommon.

It's important for caregivers to recognize this fact and to give abused women freedom to talk about it. It's particularly hard for lesbians to talk about this type of abuse, just as it's difficult for heterosexual women to talk about it. Caregivers need to not only be comfortable exploring sexual assault and sexual abuse, they also need to be prepared to return to these topics with victims since initially, abused women may be reluctant to discuss them.

If you suspect domestic violence within a relationship, interview partners separately.

In cases where you offer counseling to couples and you suspect there is violence within the relationship, interview partners separately. If violence has been disclosed, don't engage in couple counseling unless the abuse has stopped for a reasonable period of time, the abuser is receiving help, and the abused partner is no longer afraid. If you dismiss these guidelines, you risk perpetuating the abuse.

Consider the importance of establishing supportive social networks.