Unplanned pregnancy

Unplanned pregnancy

Seldom do we go through life without having to make some difficult choices. It's never easy having to make unexpected decisions about health issues, and having to make decisions about an unplanned pregnancy is certainly no exception. To learn you're pregnant when you didn't plan to become pregnant can leave you feeling confused, anxious, fearful, proud, angry, happy, and depressed. For many women, an unplanned pregnancy signals the first time they have had to make a health-related decision and one closely tied to the course of their life. What you choose now may raise question about your future goals, your values, and your current relationship.

All the more reason to actively make this decision rather than "let things happen"!

What are my options?

If you're facing an unplanned or crisis pregnancy, you have three choices:

• you can continue the pregnancy and raise your child (either on your own or with your partner)
• you can continue the pregnancy and place your child up for adoption
• you can terminate the pregnancy by having an abortion.

Before reaching a decision, you need to explore each of these options.

On a piece of paper, write down how you feel about each option: try to imagine possible outcomes as well as the practical and emotional impact each option may have on you—both in the short term and in the long term. Try to be as specific and realistic as you can.

Now, think about what your ideal situation looks like—both in terms of being pregnant and in terms of parenting a child. When would you like to become a mother? Where would you be living? What role would your partner have? What would you be like? What role would your family take?

Once you've considered these questions, describe your situation as it actually is at this time. Are there significant differences between what is and your ideal situation? Recognizing that ideal situations rarely play out, what are the minimum requirements you would need to satisfy in order to carry through with this pregnancy and parent your child?

Looking back to a year ago, before you became pregnant. Think of what was important to you then. What were your goals and dreams at that time? What were your views on unplanned pregnancy? How did you feel about each of the options?

Consider your life now. What are your goals and dreams now? Have they changed? What's important to you? What are you involved with now? Have your views changed with respect to unplanned pregnancy?

Imagine yourself a year from now. What are your biggest fears surrounding each option? What's the best outcome for each option? Realistically, how will each option impact your life?

By now, it should be obvious: each option carries its own set of pros and cons. You need complete and accurate information before making the choice that's best for you.

Let's recap.

When considering these options, you may reflect on many aspects of your life, including:

• your spiritual, cultural, religious, and cultural beliefs and those of others in your life
• your relationship with your family, friends, and partner
• your financial and social realities
• your living conditions and life circumstances
• your feelings about parenting and about becoming a mother
• possible reactions to your decision

Ultimately, your decision will be arrived at based on what's best at this time. At another time in your life, your decision may be different. Bear in mind that because each woman is different, the time and effort needed to reach a decision will be different as well. It's natural to have a variety of emotional reactions to an unplanned pregnancy, particularly when weighing the pros and cons. This is an intensely personal decision: with it comes reassurance as well as stress. Since you are the person who will live with this decision, be sure you're making it for yourself. Dealing effectively with your feelings is a key part of making a decision you can live with.

Know whom to talk to

You may want to seek advice when choosing whether to continue an unplanned pregnancy. This is natural. Because each of us has our own need for privacy and for emotional, spiritual, economic, and physical support, women facing an unplanned pregnancy may not all choose to talk to the same person or people. For instance, some women may feel comfortable talking only to health providers while others may wish to include a friend, family member, partner, or member of the clergy.

Whomever you choose, be cautious when involving others in your decision. Be sure to ask whether they have a particular viewpoint—anti-abortion/pro life, pro choice, anti-adoption, or anti-parenting. It's important that you feel free to make your own decision. You should never feel coerced or forced to make a decision that is not your own: this decision must be based on your own choice and not someone else's. If you feel manipulated or intimidated, you may want to look for someone else to talk to. An unbiased counselor, available through your local Planned Parenthood or public health clinic, can guide you through the decision-making process. (Refer to Choosing a counseling center for more information and useful hints.)

When looking for people to help you with the decision-making process, consider people who are:

• knowledgeable and able to provide accurate information and referrals
• non-judgmental
• able to provide unconditional support, no matter what your decision
• respectful of your privacy and your well-being

I've made a decision!

If you choose to continue your pregnancy, you'll need to consider finding a doctor or midwife, and you'll also need to learn how to maintain your health throughout your pregnancy. You'll also need to choose where and how the delivery will take place.

Adoption

If you're considering adoption, you'll need to make an adoption plan for your child. It may help you to find a doctor who understands your needs and who can help you devise an adoption plan and support you through the adoption process.

Your adoption plan will involve contacting various adoption agencies to learn how they operate and how they will find a suitable family for your baby.

You will need to decide whether to place your baby up for public or private adoption. Public adoptions are set up by organizations such as Family and Children's Services; private adoptions are planned by lawyers or social workers. Bear in mind, however, that not every lawyer or social worker can arrange an adoption. People and agencies dealing with adoption must be licensed.

If a public adoption is your preferred choice, you can call a placement organization to speak with a pregnancy counsellor or social worker. This individual will help you by discussing your pregnancy options, supporting your decision, and providing information about the adoption process. In other words, your social worker is your advocate; he or she advocates for birth parents' choices and will help you in selecting adoptive parents for your baby. The final decision, however, is always yours. In Canada, public adoptions are free and confidential.

A private adoption, on the other hand, is an arrangement between the birth parents and potential adoptive parents. This arrangement is facilitated by licensed lawyer or social worker. In Canada, all licensed lawyers and social workers working in private adoptions must first be approved by the Ministry in their province. This helps ensure that private adoptions are as safe as public adoptions: the provincial Ministry gives final approval to all private adoptions. Private adoptions must adhere to specific guidelines, and all professionals are required to abide by specific requirements and codes of conduct.

When you've decided to place your baby for adoption, you'll look at a number of profiles of people—usually couples, but not always—interested in adopting a child. Once you've chosen a few profiles you're comfortable with, the potential adoptive parents are given a profile of your child. As the birth parents, you and your partner are entitled to non-identifying information about the potential adoptive family. If what you as birth parents are looking for is compatible with what the adoptive parent(s) would like, the terms of the adoption are discussed.

However, a home study must be conducted before a family can adopt a child. A home study consists of a series of interviews between an approved social worker and the potential adoptive family. Through these interviews, the social worker investigates potential families' income, overall health, and emotional stability. These investigations are done in an effort to ensure the child being placed for adoption will have a good home and a loving environment in which to grow up.

As birth parents, you and your partner will be required to provide the adoptive parents with a medical and social history. The medical history helps the adoptive family identify any possible health conditions your baby may have inherited. The social history may include a letter to your baby explaining why you (and your partner) as the birth parent(s) chose to make an adoption plan.

Abortion

When considering an abortion, you'll need to know which procedures are available in your community and whether they are available at a hospital, clinic, or doctor's office. In Canada, abortion has been legal since 1969 and in 1988, it was removed from the Criminal Code altogether. However, not all procedures are available—or legal—in all countries. You may have to travel to have some or all procedures. The appropriate procedure for an abortion is determined by:

• the number of weeks since your last menstrual period
• your overall health
• the procedures available
• your preferences, beliefs, and values

Most abortion providers can refer you to counseling services to assist you in making the best decision about your unplanned pregnancy. In Canada, abortions are generally available up to 20 weeks, and you do not need to provide a reason for your decision. What's more, Canadian hospitals, clinics, and health insurance plans are required to respect the confidentiality of women—including teenagers—who have abortions and to keep their names secret.

In Canada, abortions performed in hospitals are free if you are covered by provincial health insurance. Abortions are also free at clinics in British Columbia, Alberta, Ontario, and Newfoundland. At abortion clinics in other provinces, you must incur some of the cost. In addition, free-standing abortion clinics in Canada do not require parental consent for an abortion if you are under 18, if it's clear you understand what you are doing. Some hospitals, on the other hand, do require parental consent for any type of surgery performed on a minor. The age when parental consent is required varies from one province to another: you can learn about the rules concerning parental consent at your local public health clinic.