Miscarriage and loss

Lessons from miscarriage so you can have a baby

By Deirdre Morris, BA, MSc, MEd

The miscarriage question How can I avoid having miscarriage again? has been asked of me many times.

One very important step is to explore the lesson that miscarriage has for you. In itself, this process can be very empowering because if moves you away from feeling like a victim of miscarriage… into a place that opens up to the bigger picture.

The lesson of miscarriage

This approach certainly helped me after miscarriage.

I experienced miscarriages because there was a part of me that was not quite ready yet for my baby. Intellectually I was ready. Physically too. But many of the patterns and experiences in my life did not reflect how I really wanted to be in the world… what I really wanted for my baby.

My core yearned for something more. In my case, one of the issues that miscarriage made absolutely clear to me was the need to let go of some of the relationships in my life and create sacred space for my new family. Up to then I was running the programme that I was responsible for everybody else and that I couldn't say no to certain others.

Consequently, a lot of my energy (emotional energy) was literally tied up. I was caught up in the knot of having to cater to others and, in hindsight, did not have the energy or space I needed be the kind of mother that I want to be.

Something had to give.

Learning from your miscarriage

As a result of miscarriage and subsequently exploring the message behind it, I have now created sacred space, can say no, and honor my own needs.

My body had been hinting for years but I could not take action. I was too caught up in shoulds. Miscarriage was my body and soul screaming Stop!. I finally listened. Perhaps this resonates with you. Maybe some part of you can hear the deeper message of miscarriage.

You might find it useful to really allow yourself to go within and ask what the learning is for you in miscarriage. Is there something that needs to change in your life to experience success in your fertility, enjoy full-term pregnancy and safe, gentle birth?

Do you need to say no to something you don't want or yes to something delicious now so that success in pregnancy will be the natural next step for you.