Infertility

Infertility-fertility: why can't I have a baby?

By Sandra Robertson

Why can't I have a baby? That was a question I used to ask myself all the time. When you want a baby so badly, it seems that every other woman in the world just has to blink her eyes and presto! She's pregnant. You're left marinating in your own thoughts of failure, unworthiness, and not deserving to have what you consider to be the most rewarding and joyful experience of your life.

I spent six years trying to have a baby. It goes without saying, that's a long time! But during those six years, I learned a lot about myself and about the way I attract what I want in my life. Initially, my husband and I decided to pursue fertility treatments. We tried medications, inseminations, and IVF (in-vitro fertilization) twice. The medications and inseminations didn't work at all, and the IVF's ended in miscarriage and the removal of one of my fallopian tubes. We decided to discontinue our fertility treatments because we had spent about $25,000 and wound up worse off than when we started. But, after doing much research, I realized that even though I was over 40, I still could get pregnant. Just because my fertility treatments failed, it didn't mean that I couldn't have a baby, it just meant that the ‘high tech' route was not the answer. Afterall, I had always been an advocate of "clean living"—I rarely took medications, and I've always been one that enjoyed an "all natural" lifestyle. It should have been no surprise that fertility treatments didn't work. All the drugs and hormones associated with fertility treatments basically bombarded my system with what I now consider to be toxic chemicals. Is that anyway to try to bring a child into the world? Not for me.

Now, just for the record, let me say that some women do need fertility treatments depending on their diagnosis. For instance, if your tubes are totally blocked, the only way to get around that is IVF. But for many people who fall into the "unexplained category", fertility treatments may not be the answer. After much research, I developed a "pregnancy protocol" which resulted in four pregnancies over the age of 40! Once I started getting pregnant, my problem became miscarriage, not infertility. The first three naturally conceived pregnancies ended in miscarriage, but as I refined my protocol and as I got healthier and more hormonally balanced, I finally carried my last pregnancy to term without complications. I was 44 when I had my beautiful daughter.

One piece of my pregnancy protocol was changing what I call my ‘pregnancy mindset”. When you're struggling with infertility or miscarriage, you start to believe that a successful pregnancy is impossible and you fall into the “why me?” trap. You become a victim of infertility and “victimhood” is very disempowering. Instead you need to change your thoughts to thoughts of success. Instead of saying “I can't have a baby”, you need to be happy and joyful that your baby is on the way. You need to open your heart and your mind and tell yourself that your baby will come when the time is right. The problem is that when you're so far down, it's hard to climb out. It's hard to get your hopes up only to deal with the constant disappointment of either not getting pregnant, or miscarrying.

If you were a new soul ready to make your journey into the world (or in this case—into the womb), wouldn't you prefer to come into an environment that was calm, peaceful and receptive? When you're struggling with infertility, you're usually in a place of anger, disappointment, jealousy, and frustration. Is this the environment you would choose? Honestly, I think that's one reason that some couples get pregnant after giving up their dreams of having a family or after deciding to adopt. They finally let go of their ill feelings and move into acceptance. They quit trying to force things in to place which makes room for success. Believe me, you can't force babies into anything. They will do things in their own time, on their own schedule.

One technique I used for changing my mindset was visualization. I would picture my baby in my mind. I would hold her, I would play with her, and I could feel the love for her deep down in my soul. My visualizations were so strong that I would find myself smiling without even knowing it! When you have such loving thoughts, your mindset is automatically lifted and this becomes your point of attraction. Alternately, when you're feeling angry and deprived, your point of attraction is heartache and pain and this is what you manifest in your life. I brought myself to a place where in my mind I already had a baby. If I saw other pregnant women, instead of being jealous, I would look at them and think, they have such a miracle inside of them, just like me. I planned out my maternity wardrobe, I planned my nursery, it was a done deal. When you're in the right mindset it's easy to succeed. It becomes hard to fail!

Don't be afraid to picture success. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're going to set yourself up for disappointment. These thoughts may be keeping you from the very thing you want so much. You can create what you want in your life whether it's having a baby, or anything else. If you go back and examine your past, think of all the things you've achieved. Can you see how you manifested them? Take credit! It was no accident. Your point of attraction was success.

Copyright © 2006 Sandy Robertson