Suicide

Responding to survivors

Adapted from Responding to Survivors, SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education™

The subject of death is never a comfortable one, particularly when the cause of death is suicide. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve a death by suicide, and people all grieve differently. When offering support to those who have lost somone to suicide, it's important to remember that the leading cause of suicide is untreated depression. In fact, illnesses such as clinical depression, pani cor anxiety disorders, bipolar depression and schizophrenia account for 95 percent of suicides.

These types of illnesses are not brought on by something the deceased did or failed to do: they are biological illnesses and have no connection to life events such as the loss of a job or a failed relationship.

Express sympathy and avoid making statments that may seem hurtful or insensitive. While well-intentioned, remarks such as "You have other children" or "You'll marry again" can be very upsetting. To say "I'm very sorry for your loss" is more appropriate.

Death to suicide is sudden and unexpected. Someone has been taken away. This can lead to shock, confusion, anger, and myriad other emotions. Survivors may be feeling any number of intense emotions. Be aware that suicide survivors may express disbelief, shock, anger, pain, anxiety, yearning, depression, guilt, and stress.

Remember that grief is intensely personal. While you may also have experienced grief, avoid statements such as "I know how you feel." Instead, ask how others are feeling and encourage them to talk to you about what they are thinking and feeling. Listening attentively is one of the most helpful things you can do for a suicide survivor.

Despite the best of intentions, you may not have the skills to fully help suicide survivors. Many suicide survivors find suicide bereavement programs and support groups helpful. Encourage survivors to attend at least three or four meetings.

You can increase your understanding of suicide by reading more about it. Education can help reduce the stigma and fear that prevent many depressed people from seeking help before it's too late.