Coming out

Understanding your sexual orientation

Most people, by the time they reach adulthood, have a good sense what their sexual orientation is and most will have had casual or serious sexual relationships.

However, people with a same-sex orientation have challenges heterosexuals ("straights") never have to face. These challenges—everything from harassment, denial of housing, denial of employment and job loss to threats of physical violence and actual assault—are based on social prejudice (homophobia) and can have detrimental consequences on emotional functioning and social adaptation. While some people with a same-sex orientation find ways to deal with these challenges, others may experience shame, guilt, fear, or confusion. This is especially true if their upbringing taught them same-sex orientation is "wrong" or sinful or indicative of a deficiency or mental illness.

We know this simply isn't so.

In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) which lists mental and emotional disorders. Today, mental health professionals agree that homosexuality is not an illness, mental disorder, or emotional problem. Psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals continue to work to dispel the stigma of mental illness still associated with same-sex orientation.

More than that, there's also considerable evidence to suggest that genetic and hormonal factors play a key role in shaping a person's sexuality. In other words, sexual orientation is determined by biology—not by preference or lifestyle choice.

Why not choice?

Well, think about it a moment. Just as heterosexual people instinctively know their orientation, homosexual and bisexual people experience same-sex orientation as something they discover in themselves. In other words, sexual orientation—regardless whether it's heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual—is not something we "choose" for ourselves. People with a same-sex orientation are no more responsible than "straights" are for their heterosexuality.

If you've become comfortable with your sexuality, you may wonder whether you should tell anyone about your same-sex orientation. While you don't have to tell anyone, you may find that doing so will relieve a heavy psychological burden—the feeling of having to hide your same-sex feelings or the feeling you have to live a lie.

If you do choose to disclose your same-sex orientation to others, whom will you tell? Whom can you trust? What will you say? Are you prepared for people's reactions—both positive and negative? These are common questions for those trying to decide whether to come out. Coming out can be a daunting process, but it doesn?t have to be. Women's Web provides information to help you come out to the important people in your life.